Travels with Bonnie

I Should’ve, I Could’ve. If Only I Would’ve

The scope of my position requires me to travel by air quite a bit, and I try hard to avoid the dreaded connecting flight. I'm sure you know why -- lost time in the airport, smaller-than-I-am-comfortable-with planes, and bumpy flights combine to create less than ideal travelling conditions. But, on one of my trips last month, I was forced to make an exception.  Early on a Tuesday morning I could be found in the Philadelphia airport -- at gate F17 to be exact--awaiting my connecting flight to Hershey, Pennsylvania.  As soon as I saw the size (or lack thereof) of the plane I was to board, I popped the maximum dose of Dramamine and waited for the boarding announcement.

While waiting, my eyes were drawn to a billboard across the aisle. It was a recruitment poster for the Peace Corps and the caption read, "Never have to start sentences with I should've..." I am rather mildly obsessed beyond reason with how to make the most of every minute of the rest of my life, so you can understand that the poster's slogan resonated with me. More precisely, it shouted at me. Isn't this how we all want to live our lives? With as few "should'ves" as possible? 

As it turns out, I'm not alone in this obsession or focus on the could'ves, would'ves, and should'ves of life. Truth be told, we are all motivated by them. A psychological study titled When Less Is More: Counterfactual Thinking and Satisfaction Among Olympic Medalists provides a telling example (Medvec, Madey & Gilovich, 1995). The authors ask us to think about Olympic champions and who is happier -- the winner of the bronze or silver medal? On first blush you would think silver medalists would be more elated; after all, they actually did better. But their research indicates that the relevant "counterfactuals" -- also known as would'ves, shoud'ves and could'ves in live -- are very different for second and third place finishers.  The bronze medalist, focuses on the fact that he could've easily finished out of  medal contention altogether -- "PHEW," he thinks, "I could've had nothing" so he is actually quite content.  The silver medalist, on the other hand, focuses in the opposite direction -- he looks upward and bemoans the fact that he didn't get the gold.  "If only I could've gone a little faster -- if only I would've trained a bit harder, the gold might have been mine!" Both were motivated by possible worlds -- one better, one worse. We all seem to care deeply about these possible worlds.

I should've, I could've. If only I would've.

And so, as the year 2009 comes to a close and as we think about the New Year and the future, I am reflecting on what I need to do to be sure I'm not left, someday, in some way uttering that awful phrase, "I should've. I could've. If only I would've." No doubt you are also thinking lately about the happenings of the past year. I ask you -- as you reflect, consider your would haves, could haves and should haves.

Because culture change is my passion, my reflections about it are both personal and professional.  I believe that the culture change movement is, metaphorically, ready to stand on the podium; our elders, and those who serve them need us to keep working until the gold medal and not the silver--is ours. Undoubtedly, as we continue this life-changing work, our medal will be inscribed, "because of your work, elders can lead self-directed lives wherever they call home."  If we find ourselves taking home the silver medal I will be absolutely be disappointed. Second place in the race for change will mean that only some elders will be living life to the fullest. Only some -- not all, and that is second place if ever I have seen it. Our elders deserve only the best.  Together and only together, we will, go for -- and get -- the gold.

The sun is setting on 2009, and the dawn is about to break on 2010. Please continue to focus on culture change in the year ahead.  Focus on it, visualize it as reality, continue to support your team players and recruit new ones. Culture change is a team sport, a relay race and an endurance match all rolled into one -- and it takes each member of the team to make it a reality.

Let's step up in 2010, and not settle for second place in the race for change. I ask that you consider making a donation to the Pioneer Network -- to your network -- to your team, so that we may continue to go for the gold. Our strength lies in our hope for change, our belief that we can achieve it, and our tenacity to stay the course -- and a few dollars will certainly help us to get there faster. 



We as a group have the power to make eldercare change happen -- look around you at your fellow Pioneer Network friends and neighbors. What you are looking at is a combined dream for the future -- the NEAR future. So, consider making a tax-deductible gift. You will be assisting a movement of individuals that, like yourself -- see change as an undeniable right of our elders. No matter what the size of the gift -- we will put it to work for our elders. And, if you would like your donation dollars earmarked for a particular Pioneer project, please contact us.

Please join us as the new year begins by re-committing to traveling this road, staying the course, and taking this journey together so that none of us ever has to to start a sentence about culture change  with "I should've."

Best wishes to you and yours for a meaningful holiday season!




Click below to read Bonnie' s past blogs:
December 2008
February 2009
March 2009
July 2009
September 2009